we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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