insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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