I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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