Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
