I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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