saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Damn victory sex feels great
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
