At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
