the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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