Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
