I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
