im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
