so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
