Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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