I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize