she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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