I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
