And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
