You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
