Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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