Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
