I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
