her vagine was all disorganized.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
