mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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