he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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