I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
