Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
