Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
