I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
