just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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