you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
