My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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