I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
