also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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