Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
