he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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