my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
