We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
