I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
