Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
