as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
how drunk are you?
Several
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
