I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
