cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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