You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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