five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My dick has a subreddit
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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