i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
