Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize