I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
