420 ftw
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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