did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are we still banned from the library?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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