I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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