peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
