I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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