im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
