The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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