so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm passing your future prison.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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