That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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