I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
