this just has baby written all over it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she pinky promised me she was 18
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
