My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
