and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
