hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
