Already got asked if we're dating
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize