Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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