how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wanna passion pit in your ass
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
